My Girl likes to Party all the Time....

So, because of my PTSD, I have worked exactly 6 weeks in the past year.

Go me!!

Having almost an entire year off would sound like a "Party Time Vacation" to most people, but it has been anything but for me. PTSD sucks, period. It's like mold or a sucking chest wound. Nasty.

I have nothing else to say about it right now because, frankly, I don't like talking about it. It's more of an avoidance thing, I suppose.

Anywhoo,

I am slowly regaining my life and that brings me to the point of this post. Because of certain "circumstances" due to my PTSD, I cannot return to the type of nursing that I was doing before. Actually, it has been a recommendation from my therapist that has thrown a monkey wrench into everything. Apparently, he feels that I cannot work with "significantly ill or dying patients" anymore and, sadly, I have to agree with him.

So, where the hell am I supposed to work......because I work in a fucking HOSPITAL.

sigh.

So, while I wait for my union, therapist and employer to fight it all out, I have no job.

But fear not, Dear Friends. For, I have managed to secure a writing gig for myself during this downtime. The only problem is, I'm not sure if I want it or not. It's a job writing for a well known publication. To be 100% truthful, I'm surprised as fuck that they even chose me out of all their applicants. I mean, this is a dream come true for a lot of writers.

I would have my own editor, be well compensated for my efforts and finally have a collection of writing that I can show to my parents.

See Mom, I CAN write :D

The problem is that it's a lot more work than just coming on here and typing out whatever the hell I feel like. THIS type of writing is fun, therapeutic, easy, flowing and a release for me.

I worry that the type of writing expected of me from this prospective company would be the exact opposite of THIS blog. I worry that I would find writing about pre selected topics boring and monotonous. And, most importantly, I worry about failure.

What if I can't do it? What if I go for it and fall on my ass? What if my writing sucks ass? What if I am only good writing about the things I like to write about? What if I disappoint my family?

I would be so embarrassed and just completely crushed.

Will the fear of failure hold me back or will I go for it?????

Stay Tuned!!