Leaves, leaves, leaves, leaves....

Crunchy, fallen on the ground

Surrounding you.

Lay upon the leaves

Like a carpet,

They blanket the wet, dark forest

Leaves.

All I see are leaves


I cannot get the vision of leaves out of my head. I can hear the crunch and rustly sound they make. I can smell the woodsy, earthy smells.

I can see your body laying on a carpet of leaves.

It haunts me. The vision haunts me. It will not leave me.

This morning, I was scared to get out of bed. This issue has plagued me for months. I am afraid that there is someone under the bed, waiting to grab me. I can see a dead, blue tinged arm snaking out from under the bed and grabbing me by the ankle when I dangle my feet over the edge.

I finally forced myself to get out and kept repeating to myself, "It's not real. There's nothing under the bed". I even got down on the floor and forced myself to look underneath.

There was nothing there. Just a shirt that had been kicked under by accident.

Yet, this problem has plagued me every single day since that Fall day.

Yesterday, I felt the same fear as today. I worried about someone grabbing me from under the bed. I could see the dead blue arm snaking out from under the bed to grab me. I forced myself to get out of bed and put my slippers on. I almost started hyperventilating. Once again, I had to get down on all fours and look under the bed.

There was no one there.

What is wrong with me?

I joined a PTSD forum. I wonder if I will find any comfort there or if it will be a "misery loves company" type of thing?

I am turning into a lunatic. Some days I feel that I am going crazy and will never be normal again.