She's a Girl with a Problem.....

I am trying to make a "big life decision" but am unsure how to go about it. And so, I just sit on the problem and do nothing at all about it.

The problem is, that I am deeply unhappy with my job. I am an nurse who works in Oncology. Every time I tell people that, they go "Ohhhhhhh" and then say "That must be so hard".

Well, yes it's hard, godammit!! Why do you think I feel like my job is slowly sucking the life out of me? I don't sleep anymore and suffer from insomnia. I have become a hypochondriac who sees "cancer" in every single physical symptom. I go home at night and cry over the horribly sad stories of my patients and their fate.

It's just awful.

I want to leave my job, but I am afraid. As unhappy as I am there, I am afraid and the fear keeps me from doing anything about it.

I have never been anything other than a "Nurse". As an adult, I have performed no other job. I feel like nursing is part of my identity. I am a good nurse too. I love my patients and I am good to them. And I love my coworkers. We are like a family. They are a good bunch of girls.

Oncology nursing requires a certain personality type and I know if I transferred to another floor, that I would not get the wonderful coworkers that have now. I have floated throughout the hospital, on occasion, and found this to be true.

So, the problem is....what do I do? Should I leave my job? Should I stay? Should I just suck it up and take a different position on another floor in the hospital?

I have even entertained going back to school and doing something completely unrelated to my field. In only four years, I could be doing something completely different and would be away from nursing for good.

I am so confused. I just don't know what to do.

Daddy keeps telling me to "Go find what makes you want to get out of bed in the morning". The problem is...I have no idea what that is :(