I'm sick of dying people....

I'm sick of the death that surrounds me daily at work. I love my patients, lord, I really do. But they are killing me. My job is killing me.

Here I am, sitting here. Unable to sleep. Unable to function. I have been sick more times these past few months than I care to admit. It's like it's my body's way of saying "Hey, I can't take this anymore. I need a break".

I don't know if I need to leave the hospital entirely or if I just need to leave the Oncology floor.

Those cards of thanks and encouragement and the little gifts brought in by the families of my patients just aren't enough anymore. At one time, I found them to be a real morale booster, but now it seems like nothing helps. Not even the "thanks so much dear, you're an angel here on earth" from my patients.

I just feel like I'm dying. All I think about is death. All I'm surrounded with is death.

Death, sickness, suffering. People lingering on and on before death comes to claim them. I often feel like the Angel of Death, more than an "Angel here on Earth".

It's horrifying.

I feel like calling my doctor and having her put me off on stress leave. I feel like I'm going crazy. Maybe I should drive myself to the hospital and have them admit me to the psych ward.

I need a plan. I need to figure out what to do with my life. I am deeply unhappy.

I don't know where to start, who to call. I just feel like I'm freaking out.

Help me....