You know, people always put so much faith in doctors. "Doctors are so intelligent", "Doctors will tell us what to do", "Doctors will save us".

And you know what? Sometimes you're right. But from working as a nurse for so long, I have come to see a different side of the coin.

Doctors are pompous. Doctors disagree. Doctors are mean to patients. And Doctors are frequently wrong.

I saw something take place yesterday, between one of my patients and a doctor, that I have been unable to shake out of my head.

His callousness and basic disregard for dignity and privacy appalled me. It has been 24hrs and I am still fuming over it.

He came in, handled her pain and cancer riddled body like a slab of meat. Performed a procedure that required pain medication and freezing beforehand, without any. Did not pull her curtain to perform this procedure, then left the room with her exposed to the waist. He also did not clean up after the procedure and left everything just lying in her bed. He didn't even cover her wounds and she bled like a stuck pig all over the bed.

I am so angry, I am almost vibrating. The disregard that doctor showed for this poor patient, just sickens me.

I walked into her room to find her sobbing and bleeding and I wanted to cry too, but I sucked it up, dried her tears, got her some pain medication, cleaned and bandaged her wounds and changed her blood soaked sheets. There was nothing else I could do. He is a doctor and I am a nurse. I am the low man on the totem pole. There is no recourse for his behaviour. What are they going to do? Fire him because he's a complete and utter ass? Not on your life.

Unfortunately, there is generally no time for a nurse to cry her little eyes out with the patient....because that is exactly what I felt like doing with this poor woman. But, there is only time to react to the situation and help the patient.

Most nurses cry after the fact, when the trauma is over. We cry in the hallway outside the patients room, we cry in the presence of another nurse who more than likely will probably cry with us because they understand, we cry in the bathroom or nurses station but it is almost an unwritten rule among nurses that you don't cry in front of the patient.

I have found that over the years, that this has gotten easier and easier. Sometimes, I sit back and think of all the trauma and sickness and death that I've seen and wonder if I've become a machine because I am not curled into the fetal position.

I wrote several months ago about a young woman with cancer. I had to shave her head because her mother couldn't bring herself to do it. It was the last and only time it was done because she died several weeks later. Although it was difficult for me, I feel proud that I was able to do that one small task for her. I think about that day a lot and how I held it together until after my shift, then I cried my eyes out because I knew her prognosis was poor and there was nothing left that they could do for her.

What a miserable fucking job I have.

I have touched death so many times. I contemplate my own more than I care to admit.

Well kiddies, it is time to get going and face the day. Death waits for no one....and neither does my dog because she'll piss on the floor in a heartbeat if I don't let her out quick enough :P






-Posted by Kaii using BlogPress on the IPhone