This post is not what you think.
So, if you are coming here searching for a good post to stroke your cock to, then you should look elsewhere. I suggest YouPorn or maybe RedTube.
I recently tried to kick Daddy out because he lied about watching porn. This has been a loooong suffering saga with porn. Porn is the bane of my existence. I catch him and freak out, and he promises not to do it anymore. Then I catch him again and freak out even more and the circle continues.
I actually just caught him yesterday, not even a week after the last time when I was so fed up that I told him to leave. Unfuckingbelievable. I cannot believe that my feelings mean so little to him.
To clarify, he is not an OCCASIONAL porn watcher. He is an hours at a time, downloading it to his computer, watching it all weekend long when it is family time, watching it when I am willing to fuck him at any time, watching it when he is watching our small children at home all by himself porn watcher.
So, don't tell me that this is "normal" and "all guys do it" because it falls under the obsessive category. We have actually been to counselling for this and the psychologist said to devote this much time and energy to something like this was "detrimental to yourself and detrimental to your relationships"
I guess the problem I am having, is that I feel worthless inside. I feel undesirable. I constantly feel that I have to "out porn" the porn to keep him interested in our sex life. So, consequently, ANYTHING (short of scat play) goes in our relationship. Seriously, I mean anything.
Sometimes I feel degraded and embarrassed that I do these things for him, but I feel that is the only way to keep him interested in sex with me as opposed to the porn.
Honestly, I am like a walking porno. I frequently feel angry and resentful during sex. I don't want to do these things a lot of the time. It's just so over the top.
*sigh*
It makes me feel bad about myself. I feel that the "real" me is not good enough and that I have to be this twisted and perverted version of myself.
He claims that he is attracted to me, that *I* am what he wants...that my body type, hair colour, look, etc is what he is attracted to. But if that is true, then why does he watch Jailbait porn, where you could break these women in half. I don't know about you, but I am not 18 anymore....not quite me, that's for sure.
Yet, that is what gets him hard and he strokes his cock and gets off to it. It almost feels like he's cheating on me, like all I get are the "leftovers" because he dedicates all his time and attention to these fantasy waifs.
I am so sad. You have no idea. I just feel so worthless inside. Every time I find porn on his computer and he lies about it, I feel that I love him less, I feel that I trust him less, I feel apathetic about the future of our relationship. I don't think he even realizes it, but I care less and less as time goes on. I have to, it's the only way I can protect myself. I don't think he even realizes what he is doing, or he does and simply doesn't care because the porn is more important than how I feel.
He keeps telling me that "all men do this, all men watch porn" but I have a hard time swallowing that.
Do you mean to tell me that ALL women feel this worthless and sad inside?
Thursday, October 8, 2009
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2 comments:
On the "all men do it front", I can safely say he's either wrong or lying.
I'll halfheartedly glance at online porn maybe a couple times a week, but rarely for more than about five minutes. It's boring, frankly. And when I was in a serious relationship, it didn't even occur to me to look at the stuff. Why bother with pictures when the real thing is right in front of you?
Hours of it, daily? Sounds utterly mind-numbing. I can't even imagine finding something that watchable.
If he's spending even half as much time as you say watching porn, he's got a serious problem.
I don't know if he still reads your blog, let alone the comments, but on the offchance that he does:
Dude, one man to another, what you're doing is NOT normal.
I'd have to agree with you and out of range. As a male, I only know of one male who might be in his situation...and he's a 60 year old embittered failure.
If your significan other leads at all a contemporary working person's life, his pornwatching is like little league baseball or the equivalent for many of us with kids -- the time consumed/used up is the end of civilization as we know it. Unless he has slaves or the equivalent, how does the laundry get done, the food cooked, the yard cleaned, the kids tended and so forth?
It sounds like the fellow has an addiction that happens to be porn.
1) what is it that he's running from?..only he can answer..and he may not know.
2) the timeless challenge -- how does he deal with the real issue issue ..in an ecological way for himself and his family?
We all have our primal issues.
Hope he faces his in a more productive manner and/or you rise out of it w/ or w/o him. Good luck.
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