Back to the grind....

I got my tattoo, it hurt quite a bit, but the swelling has gone down a lot bit. I had one big puffy foot for a few days but now it is starting to itch, so healing time begins :P

I really love this tattoo and what it signifies. It means a lot to me. To me, it's like my lost baby is always with me. I had one cunt acquaintance say that my new tattoo was "cute but is it going to be cute when you're 90?" I felt like punching her in the throat.

I have not told anyone outside of immediate family about what has happened, in relation to Daddy and I losing the baby. I just can't it is too painful. I have cried so many tears already and I know that the barrage of questions and condolences would set me bawling again.

I feel weepy today already. I am set to go to work in a couple of hours and I just don't want to face my coworkers. I'm sure that everyone knows by now as I had to go to the hospital when I miscarried and then had to speak to my nurse manager because I would not be coming into work for a bit. So, in other words, it is guaranteed that EVERYONE I work with knows at this point.

I don't want their sympathy, but I really don't want the uncomfortable silence that I am bound to encounter too. Some people don't know WHAT to say in situations like this, so they say nothing at all. Honestly, I'm not sure which one is worse.

I am not prepared to go back to work. Emotionally, I don't feel ready to go back and deal with the day to day crap but mostly I don't feel ready to back and deal with the special emotional needs of patients with cancer. I am suffering inside myself, how can I be strong for them? I fear that I will be a bawling, useless piece of crap once they start unloading their sadness and suffering on me, instead of a comforting, supportive, strong, unrelenting warrior against cancer.

I am praying that everything goes alright. I don't even know who I'm praying to :(